Halloween

Happy Halloween! What is everyone doing to "celebrate" this year? I'm really not a Halloween person. In fact, it's sort of my "dark day" of the year when I sit alone and sulk. I never really liked it, even as a kid, but since then I've had some pretty bad memories attached to it and so I've decided to just quit trying. I like handing out candy, though, so I did that until it started to rain. In Minnesota, Halloween is usually pretty cold. Kids go out trick or treating wearing their winter jackets and so you can't really see their costumes. In fact, most kids don't even bother dressing up and just go out in their winter jackets. It's a little bit uninspiring but I still love handing out candy. It reminds me of how much fun my friends and I used to have going trick or treating, though we used to dress up more. Kids these days are too wimpy. Back in my day, we sucked it up and just walked faster.


I made a card for my boyfriend and painted a pumpkin. I don't like carving them because they never turn out well, so I've started just painting my pumpkins. You can't light them up inside but oh well, kids just want the candy anyway.

I'm off to eat some candy and watch TV! I love the Halloween episodes of My So-Called Life and Freaks & Geeks. This weekend I'm having scary movie night with some friends so I'm saving all the big Halloween movies till then! Stay safe and stay spooky xx

Looking for November Sponsors!

Hiya folks - Urban Tease is looking for advertising sponsors for November! As an advertiser, your button will appear on the sidebar of the blog for the duration of the month, being exposed to the thousands of individuals and loyal readers who visit every month. Blog traffic has been picking up significantly in the past several weeks, with more than 700 page views a day - a new high in the recent history of Urban Tease!

So who can advertise on Urban Tease? Anyone!* If you write a blog, you can advertise your blog. If you own an online store, you can advertise your store. Do you write a magazine? Advertise that! Are you a photographer? Go ahead and advertise. Although Urban Tease was created on the premise of being a "personal style blog", it has come to reach a number of different topics and appeals to an audience wider than that of strictly fashion.

I have two different size options available:

or two months for $5.00!


or two months for $12.00! More information, including a recent screen shot of the blog's traffic, can be found here.
If you would like to purchase an ad spot or for more information, please email me at urban_tease@yahoo.com.
*Only advertisements which fit my ideals and those of my readers will be accepted. Sites with offensive content will not be accepted.

sugar magnolia

Do you remember that episode of Freaks & Geeks where the hippie guidance counselor gives Lindsay his copy of American Beauty by the Grateful Dead and she's walking through the lunch room when the table of high school Dead Heads stop her and one of them says, "I wish I never heard it, just so that I could hear it again for the first time." I was watching that episode with my boyfriend a couple of months ago. At that line he bursts out laughing and then looks at me as if to say, "I bet that's how my girlfriend feels." I laughed at it but deep down inside I was just like YESSSSS. I watched Freaks & Geeks for the first time back in, I'm not even sure, 8th grade I think. I was on a church retreat and we didn't have anything to do so we just watched the show. It was my first exposure to the Grateful Dead and I immediately was captured by their music. Several months ago I was having a hard time with things going on in my life and decided to revisit American Beauty. Listening to it in that moment, after so long of just even forgetting about the Dead, was so beautiful and so freeing. It's in that same episode where Lindsay puts the record on and starts dancing to it, just playing it over and over again. And that was me. I deny being a Dead Head. My boyfriend tries to prod a confession out of me constantly (you should have seen his reaction to when I bought a Grateful Dead blanket a few months ago) and even my parents have called me a Dead Head from time to time. The boyfriend and I were at Succotash not all that long ago and he found a copy of American Beauty on vinyl there, trying to tempt me into buying it. I resisted, knowing that purchasing it would have been a validation of my fondness for the Dead and more so, for that album. But, with all this being said, I'm going to stop hiding and let the world know, yes, I love the Grateful Dead. They have gotten me through some rough times and I will admit that they are my go to band when the times are bad. And yes, I have a Grateful Dead blanket. And yes, I'm pretty sure that Brokedown Palace or Ripple are probably my most listened to songs. So, now that I've gotten that off my chest, I can name this post after another great song from the Dead, fully embrace my love for them in the future of this blog, and urge everyone to give American Beauty a listen if they're having a bad day. I'm not gonna tell you that it'll change your life or anything, but....I mostly agree with the Dead Heads in the cafeteria on Freaks & Geeks.


Now that I've gotten that all off my chest (feelin' pretty good about it, too!), we can move forth. I only have a couple more weeks left before I start my second internship & will be wearing professional wear 5 times a week, so I decided to use that time to wear cut offs, crop tops, and old flannel. The cold weather is quickly setting in, so time is short for this type of wear, regardless of whether or not I'll be stuck working in an office.


I'm wearing my hieroglyphic crop top from Sway Chic which I wore a couple of weeks ago here. I love this crop! I can't wait till summer to wear it. Sway Chic has LOADS of awesome crop tops. This is my fourth from there alone. Guilty as charged. I'm also wearing my usual flannel from Land's End which I've been wearing since I was like what, 15? Same with the usual cut offs. But, I'm excited to show off this new open cardigan from The Loft. Okay, well it's new to me. It's actually from the second hand store but so soft and cozy and warm! It'll be keeping me warm all winter long, I already know it. It also gets loads of little fuzzies all over my clothes and in my mouth, so I'll be digesting bits of it all winter long, too.






Here I am already with a jacket on between shots (this was a test shot) - winter isn't far off! I've been looking back on some old posts from last autumn to see what I was wearing this time last year since I've been struggling with not getting drab as the weather does. Going through these old posts has been inspiring me to get back into blogging, so here I am and we'll see how it goes! I'm currently hard at work getting my life back under control after a couple of months of dealing pretty much full-time with a close friend's substance abuse issues. I lost between 5 - 8 pounds in that time, my hair has gotten all gross, and my skin went haywire from the stress. I'll be blogging about my weight gain routine as soon as I start getting it under control, so I'm very excited! In the past I've tried to keep this as sort of a "lifestyle blog" and I'll try to get back into that.

Anyways, I'm off to have a girl's night by myself! I think I'm going to do a face mask, paint my nails, watch romantic comedies (like, the good ones with Cary Grant and such), and eat junk food. Ah Friday, what a wonderful day.

change in wind

I wish that I was here to say that I GOT A DOG. But I'm not. I'm here to say I'M DOGSITTING A DOG! She's a little yorkie named Olive Oyl and is absolutely sweet. She loves cuddling up and giving kisses, so obviously my favoruite type. The other night I even snuck her into the grocery store because she fits right under my arm and happily stays there. She sleeps with me every night and does this cute little army crawl up to my face to give me kisses periodically throughout the night. Anyways enough about Olive Oyl (though isn't she the cutest?!) - this blog is about my personal style (or something) right??
It's suddenly gotten very cold out. Yesterday & today were something like 34° and it was even snowing as I headed into work yesterday - wonderfully fresh little flakes of pre-winter bliss. The point of saying all of this? It is officially sweater weather. And jacket weather. Be prepared!

I am rather excited for sweater weather because I've recently gotten quite a few rather fab sweaters. This animal silhouette print being one of them. It was my aunt's and I scooped it up at the garage sale last May. It's totally amazing and super warm, which is always a massive plus when functionality is just as good as physicality. (If you live somewhere like California or Texas or Florida where this is never a issue, then please find yourself very lucky and never complain about having to wear light sweaters or jackets - YOU WILL NEVER KNOW.) Unfortunately, when sweaters are very warm they are usually very scratchy because they tend to be 100% wool or something awful like that (are you beginning to understand the trade-offs of sweaters?). I layered this really old bengal striped button down underneath. It's old and faded, tattered and stained, but you'd never know with only the collar showing. Or at least that's what I tell myself every time I clean out my closet & cannot bear to part with it.


I'm also wearing my BB Dakota jacket which is pretty much the best thing about the change in seasons. It's not quite winter-appropriate, but it's great for transitioning, has a hood for rainy days, and is fleece lined to keep you nice & toasty. It's also, coincidentally, the one that Bella wore in Twilight. Is Twilight still a thing? Like do people care about that anymore? I think I did for about 5 days when I was 14 - I remember because I was off to Florida to meet my cousins for the second time in my life and my cousin Millie and I bonded over reading them. But this jacket is awesome. Don't let the Twilight connotation ruin it for you. Just think about me wearing it from now on, since I am ah-mazing.






I'm off to cuddle with this little pup, eat ice cream and brownies, and make some cards for my friends who are hurting. Something must be going around lately - there's been a lot of people sick, losing loved ones, struggling deeply with depression and substance abuse issues... I mean, there usually are, but it seems like it's all come to surface for several people in my life all at once. Either way, I'm going to make some cards for all of them. It's the least I can do to ease the pain, and help the United States Post Service while at it. I hear they're suffering pretty hard these days, too.

Mo-Bear

After Moses died in March, my sister and I talked about possibly getting tattoos to commemorate him. I wasn't sure what to get. I didn't want a portrait, I didn't want words...I wanted to capture the feelings that I got from him - comfort, love, relaxation, happiness, laughter....

My sister is moving out of state next month, so I decided that, as a going away/Christmas present, I would pay for us to get tattoos together. It would be a bonding moment for my sister and I (it should be noted that we don't have many of those because we're polar opposites & don't really like each other 75% of the time).

I decided to get his paw print on my shoulder. It seems a little cliche and overdone. "Ohhhh she has an animal paw print on her back/neck/arm/etc. sooo cool and original." You know, like a tattoo of a butterfly or a dream catcher or something. But I wanted to commemorate a feeling, a moment, that I had with Moses. The feeling that I found myself in need of and missing was a very particular one. Whenever I was having a very stressful, anxiety-filled day, I would come home and collapse on the cold kitchen floor, laying flat on my stomach with my forehead against the linoleum. Moses would pad over to me and climb on my back, massaging my back with his warm little paws. Eventually he would settle down, resting one paw on either shoulder and settling his chin on top of my head. And then he'd sigh, a deep pug sigh, and everything would be gone. All my troubles, all my worries, all my tears. Everything would have been kneaded out with his little paws and sighed away as he settled deeper between my shoulder blades. I cannot imagine a better feeling in the world than having my warm, soft, fat, 20 pound best friend resting between my shoulders, his heavy head resting upon my own.

I got this tattoo to remember one of the many things that Moses gave me in our ten years together - deep comfort and a total release of all my troubles. Sometimes I try to remember what it felt like to have him resting on my back like he used to, and I am overcome with grief that I will never have anything identical to that again, but also joy that I ever had a dog as perfect as Moses, my little everything for 10 wonderful years of my life.

maybe you're right

I've been depressed about how little I've been able to blog in the past couple of months. I've been a bundle of nerves lately and haven't been very active - not wanting to go take photos, not even wanting to write. I've just been speechless and feeling a little bit lost about things going on in my life. A very important person in my life has been struggling with drug addiction. For more than a month now, this person has been stealing from me, my friends, and my family, and lying to me about everything. It's been really tough on me because I rely on this person for a lot, including comfort and companionship. It's difficult when someone who you trust in such a way completely betrays you, when their behaviour is erratic and mean, and you have to completely worry about their safety all the time, checking up constantly and going crazy with anxiety every time you don't hear back. It's been tough on me, and it's been going on for too long. I've lost a lot of weight, dropping back into the 85 pound range, losing sleep, grinding my teeth, breaking out with acne, losing hair...the list goes on. I even bit a massive hole in my tongue out of anxiety. However, I am happy to say that this person has made the courageous decision to give up everything and go back into rehab. I feel like the most giant weight has been lifted off my chest and I am finally free to enjoy my life again. When I was telling this person how I've been feeling due to their substance abuse, they said to me, "You care too much." I didn't know what to say. This wasn't something that I was ever taught as a child. I care too much. It is possible to care too much. I was floored. I was hurt and confused. What do you say to that? How does someone care too much for another person? I don't think that this person meant it in a mean way, but it's hard to tell. Addicts are selfish and perhaps this person was just displacing the blame, but I haven't been able to shake it ever since it was said to me. I care too much. Like that's a thing that people can do. People can care too much. I don't know if I can quit caring about this person. I don't even know if I can start caring less about this person. You're never taught how to care less about something. You're never encouraged to care less about something. This is going against everything that I've ever known. But, at the very least, I can take comfort in knowing that this person is in a safe spot. Last night I was able to go out with an old friend and see Blitzen Trapper play First Ave. I'm thinking about getting my nose pierced, too. I've been wanting to do it for awhile but couldn't with my last job. Maybe I will now; It's all me time! It's time to care more about myself and less about this other person. I'm starting this new phase of my year - of caring more about myself - by blogging! My goal is to blog at least twice a week. I used to love blogging...it allows my thoughts to untangle from my mind and I can interact with all sorts of new people and new perspectives. I was scrolling through some older blog posts from last autumn and was reminded of how freeing blogging is for me. Anyways, I'm excited to show off this bad ass new denim jacket courtesy of White Crow. It's super cozy, has great pockets, and an awesome faded print of the U.S. flag on the back. You can find it to buy online here. Totally saaaaweeeeet and definitely getting me back in the mood to wear denim. I see denim on denim in my near future.... I called out of my internship yesterday (when I took these photos) because I just had too much work to do, but that also meant that I got to dress fun and perhaps semi-trashy for class! Usually I have to dress for the office, since I work in one, so I was excited to have fun and dress like an actual college kid. I got this new Phoenix faux leather jumper from Sway Chic which is like a total dream. They have lots of great new stock in and it's making me wish I had income! This hieroglyphic crop top is also from Sway Chic because I just couldn't help myself. Not exactly perfect for the office but still, SO COOL. I skipped on the matching leggings.  These past couple months have been tough on me but one thing that's been sustaining me - the promise of graduation looming in my near future! Only 8 and a half weeks of class left! I don't think I have any finals (the true beauty of only having papers) so I'm completely done after that! Like, forever. No more undergrad! Life is beautiful. Oh, but then it'll be full swing job hunting, resume re-working, and student loan re-paying. Thanks once again to White Crow for the beautiful jean jacket, and to my friends over at Sway Chic for stocking equally great goods. And now begins my time to pamper myself! What sort of things should I do with my new found freedom of caring (almost) only for myself? xx

My Twin Peaks Senior Thesis

....and for reading Chloe's Twin Peaks senior thesis!

After many, many moons, I have finally gotten around to releasing my senior paper, written Spring 2013. After casually mentioning it on the blog, many people were greatly interested in reading it. Since it is 25 pages, I created it its own blog and hope that this makes it easier to navigate. Please note that there are spoilers, so enter cautiously!

Click here to begin reading!

Thoughts On...Changing the World

Several weeks ago I was out getting ice cream with my boyfriend. I had just had an argument with my sister about how Native Americans are not delinquents who squander all their casino money on drugs and booze and I was (obviously) feeling rather flustered. My boyfriend kept saying to me, "I don't know why you even bother with her, she's just ignorant" which is obvious - she is ignorant - but there's no reason to be ignorant in a world today where technology and information are at your fingertips. I told him, "Why wouldn't I say anything? How are you supposed to change the world if you don't say anything?" He stopped. "I don't want to change the world," he said after a moment. I didn't even know what to say. I was completely dumbfounded. Why wouldn't someone want to change the world? This wasn't a concept which I'd ever considered. Ever since it was obvious to me that I could make change, I felt the compulsion to - the overwhelming and frustrating need to. I never thought that it was even a possibility for me to sit quiet and not make change.

In early September, I was at a conference on advocacy training. I had volunteered to be a candidate in a test interview. She was talking to me about why I had changed my degree from fashion design to communications. I responded that it was more fulfilling than fashion. I wanted to change the world and this was the best way to do it. We moved on with the interview but at the end the group was critiquing it. From out of the crowd, one of the teachers, a former congressman, said, "I think the most impressive thing we've learned about Chloe is that she wants to change the world." I smiled one of those fake smiles when you actually just feel lost and unable to comprehend anything. I wanted to quip back, "Why would someone not want to change the world?" but I was too lost in the suddenness of his comment, and the suddenness of the realisation that changing the world is something that I want to do, but not everybody else does.

I was dumbfounded. I rolled it all over in my head, wondering why on earth someone would want to stay quiet and not make change? I'm not talking about anything dramatic. I'm not talking about starting a revolution, putting on a cape and spandex and saving the world from some alien invasion. I'm not aiming for anything major. I don't expect to ever be on Oprah talking about my achievements. That isn't changing the world, not the way I want to.

I was in an internship interview a few weeks ago and I was asked what my long term goals were. I paused for a long time and smiled to myself. I didn't want to say that I was going to change the world. I harkened back to a conversation I'd had with my boyfriend when I'd told him that if I was ever going to be on Oprah for anything, I would want it to be because I had created and implemented an education program that eradicated sexual assault and gender violence. I couldn't help but think that if I could achieve that, my life would be fulfilled - I could want for nothing more. (I relayed this to my interviewers...I got the internship and p.s. I love it).

To me, changing the world isn't starting a revolution, or ending one. It isn't having some kid spread your quote all over Tumblr, pasted onto a photo of an ocean or rippling wheat fields. It isn't being famous and having books written about you. I don't want to say, "I want to change the world" and have people think these things. I don't want people to associate my name with some great change. I don't even know if I want people to notice the change. I just want to go into the lives of as many as possible and change their worlds. I want people to stop hating, I want people to stop being violent, I want people to be happy and be open and accept. That's change, and if it's only in the lives of a few people, that's enough for me to feel fulfilled. I already, at the ripe young age of 20, feel like I am changing the world. And that's enough. Why does it have to be big words? Why can't changing the world be simple? Why should it be something that people raise their eyebrows over - why shouldn't everyone want to change the world?

I found this quote the other day and loved it;

“At eighteen our convictions are hills from which we look; at forty-five they are caves in which we hide.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald

Perhaps I am still young and have no yet learned to close my mouth, but I have strong convictions and I plan to live by them. Hopefully one day I do not hide behind them.

(Source: Etsy; Sorry I didn't source this at first. I had found it through a broken link and couldn't find the original artist - if you ever do know the artist, feel free to send me a link but try to stay clear of expletives or assumptions, thanks!)

I don't want to slobber some overdone phrase all over, like "be the change you wish to see." I'm not telling you what is right or wrong. I'm not saying that I am so much better because I want to change the world. I just want to wrap my head around the idea of why doesn't everyone want to change the world? What causes some people - like my boyfriend - to have no desire to? Why are some people ignorant and not worth trying to change? Why is it remarkable to note that someone wants to change the world? Isn't this what everybody wants to do - make the world a better place for those around them and those yet to come? What does it mean to you to change the world?